Only in America...can a pizza get to your house
faster than an ambulance...

Only in America...are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink...

Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers,
a large fry, and a diet coke...

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open
and then chain the pens to the counters...

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...

Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone
we didn't want to talk to in the first place...

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten
and buns in packages of eight...

Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe
the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many"
and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...